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When I was eight I told my Aunt that her chest looked like a piece of salami. Back to the lying…how can I somehow blame this on the economy?

What is frightening is how quick and assertive I am when crafting these stories, leaving whatever poor friend is with me no choice but to nod in agreement and wonder when I became crazy.

My drunk self even likes to spout out unimpressive lies. People think you are less jaded and combative if you say you are from a state that conjures up images of horse races and homemade apple pie.

Sadly, there was a real Sarah at this wedding and sadly my sister did not go to college with her cousin. My sister and her aggressive use of the open bar were asked asked to leave.

Am I a victim? An obvious casualty of circumstance. If these latent lies are harboring within me, who am I to stop my own freak flag from flying?

Who am I to cast shadows by standing in my own sunlight? Though my strange affair with curating extravagant personalities is on a brief hiatus, a lot has been learned from this time in my life.

Some of my findings:. Do not panic when someone you know from college unexpectedly shows up at the bar and completely derails your carefully crafted lie.

Stay calm and stay Australian. People are exponentially nicer to you if you claim to be from any state that starts with the letter K or has the words North or South in front of it.

If further questioned, imply that they are in fact blacked out. The more you drink the more details you will inevitably craft. Ignore this. Refrain from expecting your friends to participate.

You are already crazy. Always know where the bathrooms, nearest exits, and emergency fire escapes are in the rare case that the fake-version of you gets trapped into answering the name of the elementary school you once attended in Sydney.

Remember kids, I am not advocating this kind of lifestyle. I am simply giving you pointers for when you inevitably have an early-twenties brush with insanity.

At best you will be the most interesting person at the party and at worst you will earn a rep for being an utter loon, consider either of those titles equally flattering.

Why stay in the states looking for guys when their are blonde haired angels with ocean blue eyes waiting for me in Australia XD.

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Date: 19th July Hot to trot, or canter or gallop or woah horsey! Spotted on the District line, quite frankly it should have been the distraction line — with his trousers pulled up to make him more comfortable, our eyes were drawn to his…cute face!

Date: 16th January This sporty chap is sporting more than just his Nike running gear. He must have been excercising hard! Whilst Lycra is great at keeping the cold out its an unfortunate choice of clothes for an involuntary erection on the northern line.

Mind you the only thing we can see being crushed are his baubles. Date: 11th July Anyone hungry? Well this scrumalicious hottie is quite literally good enough to eat.

We would start with his legs and move up to his rather large lunch box. This handsome so and so is surely only wearing glasses on the tube as all those camera flashes were blinding him.

Date: 4th April When you see a hot guy like this one , your heart melts and you come over all butterflies in your tummy.

You decide to take a tubecrush shot and BOOM — he notices you do it and instead of feeling proud, you blush and try to get off at the next station — only problem?

Your on the Waterloo and City line awks.

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I want to marry an Australian. Australian boys hot cant wait!! Some Australian boy needs to wisk me away and marry me. Australian Boys:. They were just the most gorgeous people on that side of the world.

Australian accents and Australian boys. Australian boys Good times. Please take me there. What is one thing I need to absolutely remember about an Aussie boy?

Why are all of the boys in Aussie so attractive?! Can I just meet an Australian surfer and be done with it?

They like beer, right? Our boys basketball team is hosting an Australian team tonight. Yeah buddy, Australian boys ;.

So much plot development in my life right now…. Literally the cutest boys on tumblr live across the world from me. Lies I Tell When Drinking. Some of my findings: 1.

You can get away with doing and saying almost anything if you have an Australian accent. Accept all drinks that people buy for the more-interesting version of you.

This sporty chap is sporting more than just his Nike running gear. He must have been excercising hard!

Whilst Lycra is great at keeping the cold out its an unfortunate choice of clothes for an involuntary erection on the northern line.

Mind you the only thing we can see being crushed are his baubles. Date: 11th July Anyone hungry? Well this scrumalicious hottie is quite literally good enough to eat.

We would start with his legs and move up to his rather large lunch box. This handsome so and so is surely only wearing glasses on the tube as all those camera flashes were blinding him.

Date: 4th April When you see a hot guy like this one , your heart melts and you come over all butterflies in your tummy.

You decide to take a tubecrush shot and BOOM — he notices you do it and instead of feeling proud, you blush and try to get off at the next station — only problem?

Your on the Waterloo and City line awks. Type in your email address and we'll send instructions to you on how to become a member.

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